I am so in love with this ‘Asian Paints Ace Shyne’ advertisment, about a young married couple moving into a new house which is freshly painted. The wife is seen romantically teasing her husband with a steel tiffin box which when reflects on a wall’s suface shines back to catch hold of the husband’s attention. They both get all lovey-dovey. Over the period, the couple looses the newly-wed charm and settle for a regular routine. The wife is seen talking on the phone while packing the lunch-box & the husband is seeing arguing with someone over his phone. The wife is absent-mindedly playing with the box’s lid and the husband does not even notice the earlier, ‘shine & tease’ game. Also it’s noticed that the wife does not bother about taking care about her appearance. In the start of the add, she was all dressed up and would go out lovingly to bid her husband a good-bye. Towards the end of the commercial, the wife is seen wearing a gown and just handing over the tiffin to the husband, who too, is in a foul mood. He bids her a good-bye but the wife bangs her door onto his face and walks inside. If you hear the lyrics, they too resonate the story line –
‘Andhar bhi shine,
Dil mein bhi shine,
Bahar bhi shine,
Dil mein bhi shine.
To later been sung as –
‘Andhar abhi bhi shine,
Dil mein no-no shine,
Bahar abhi bhi shine,
Dil mein no-no shine’
Cut to reality, most married couples go through this phase. The wife may not be a home-maker, nor necessarily the husband may be taking a tiffin but this so called ‘honeymoon phase’ quickly settles for a basic boring routine. The partners start taking the significant other for granted.
Things that initially were done together, shift to being done alone. Both perform activities, taking it to be their duties, rather then out of love or affection. The wife has to diligently look after the house-hold chores even if she is working. If she has some professional commitments to fulfil that would lead for her to be home late, dinner arrangements still have to made by her. Similarly, if the husbands takes a day off at work, it is expected that he helps rather then have some ‘me-time’. The romance between the couple generally flies out of the window or is pushed to one corner of the room.
The once in love twosome have heated arguments and/or sleep with backs turned to each-other.
Can this be avoided?
Yes, through small gestures of love.
In start of every relationship, the opposite person promises to move mountains for the other, but over the course of time all settle into their comfort zones. The girls that would take efforts to dress up for her bae, now walks around wearing pajamas all day. The newly wed husband, who would earlier bring gifts and chocolates on each special date, eventually forgets to get even a rose on those special occasions. The sweet exchange of messages take a backfoot. Going for dates is no more an exciting affair.
The partners just assume that the other understands that he/she is loved and hence they fail to say a simple ‘I Love You’.
That’s where these small gestures can save us.
Some gestures mentioned below can work magic for any relationship.
1. Good night hugs and good morning kisses.
Physical affection works wonders during any stage of a relationship. Just holding hands while watching TV or taking a stroll. Cuddling is a love language of it’s own.
2. Thoughtful lunch or dinner preparations.
Not just by the wife, but the husband too can make something simple as Maggi and chai when the wife is PMSing. Or when ordering, knowing the wife’s preference and doing the needful.
3. Planning of date-nights/vacations.
It’s not just the guy’s responsibility to plan them, the ladies too can treat the husbands.
4. Love Cards.
Leaving chits with cute love messages or quotes in them. Writing love letters in today’s technological era has it’s own charm.
5. Bring them treat they love.
If she loves wada-pav, bring it for her to gorge on it, once in a while. If his favorite ice-cream is blueberry dolly, enable him to feast on the same without any guilt.
6. Technological Disconnect.
Switch off your mobile phone or tab when with each other. Listen to what the other has to say. Spend quality time together.
Be thankful to your partner for smallest of things, time and again. It could be for making an excellent cup of tea or ensuring the supplies are refilled timely. The golden word ‘Thank you’, really does wonders in any relationship. Don’t say say it though, mean it too!
8. Let the bae know she is being missed. When on a business trip or simply out hanging with friends, a small text stating you miss her company can make her fall in love with you all over again.
9. Listen and not hear.
When the wife rants about all that she is going through at home or work, listen to it patiently and don’t quickly jump to offering solutions. Vice-versa, the wife should not start comparing the husband to others when he shares his reasons for stress.
10. Laugh out loads.
Watch comedy shows or movies together and laugh your hearts out. Binge-watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S together!
11. Shower compliments.
“You look handsome today” or “love how smartly you dealt with XYZ”. Few words of true flattery can just make the opposite partner feel loved and cared for.
12. Show concern.
When the significant other is alone or late, call to check on them, can speak volumes about being in love. Also, the partner receiving concerned calls should not be angry or talk rudely.
13. Understanding Silence.
It’s not necessary to always express what one feels. Most couples have a soul connection that lets the other identify the type of silence (silent, warm, angry, awkward).
14. Mean the sorry.
After disagreements, don’t just get away saying sorry. Ensure to rectify the mistake in-order to prove you had meant those apologies from all your heart.
15. Keep loving.
Once you have settled down as a man & woman, stick to the commitment of being together forever.
“Gestures, in love, are incomparably more attractive, effective and valuable than words.”